勇气呢 ？

Yes! I have finally decided to go on and put braces for my buck tooth from young le. lol well but that will only happen next week. For now im stuck wif some rubber separator between my teeth. First day it was all rite, in fact no pain at all, SL must be quite disappointed tat i din feel any pain tat day lol. In fact i dun even need 2 extract any tooth cos my case is reverse from others, instead of crowded teeth, i have a large jaw tats why my teeth all cant make up the space hence alot of gaps. Wel 2nd day which is today is hell during mealtime. i finally know wat SL mean le, now even eating is a chore. Well finally go on to do something which i always hesitated 2 do, probably stingy.

其实，我已经很久没有以华文来写Blog了，不过今天我会尽量写好一点。 很久以前，有人说过，我的blog 很特别 ，因为有用很多语言来描述我的人生与心情。我也突然发觉很久没有这么做。其实直到最近，我才发现我自己已不小心喜欢上了可爱的她。我也不知何时开始就有这种感觉，但虽然我不知她是否是这样想，可能就只是我 自己想太多吧。也许从一开始我就只是一个好朋友。

All rite, i realise my pinyin realli CMI, beta stop torture ppl eye le.
Wel for now, i just dun have e same courage 2 to show my inner self le, maybe old le, not as daring as b4 le.

Sch starting!!!

Cant believe im gonna start sch on mon evening le. Today went for a veri short shopping trip wif wb, n he finally got the cup he wan for his gf, haha. And now im back at home, bloggin wif half an hr left b4 i go to work later lol. anyway thanks for the concern bro, im perfectly fine.

come to realise actualli among my peers, im someone whose can move faster than most of my peers. but its been more than a yr since i stop at the same spot le, many have overtaken me, n watsoever, but now finally im able and hav the new found courage to take the first steps towards the future le. I noe wat i want and i noe i will definitely get there.

Anyway i realise linkin park has been a veri gd medicine for me haha, feel pump up whenever i listen to their songs, like back to the same old days. Songs like 'in the end', 'numb' and 'somewhere i belong' still ring in my mind. haha well pardon my way of anger management too.

all rite i leave it at here for now.

Smiles!!!

Time to let go and move on

Lately i really been very heavy hearted. actually saw her and her new boyfriend photo. Which reminds me that maybe i should finally let go of everything le. Every possession i have that reminds me of her, i should just let go le. even though now i really wanna find someone 2 talk 2, but its 4am le. Suan le, i already used 2 forcing myself 2 slp even when my heart really aching.

Its like a secret been kept too long, so long im no longer to let it all out anymore. i deleted her contacts from all source like facebook n hp... Maybe this is whats best for us ba. since she have finally completely move on le, why should i still be holding on. Its been 1 and a half year le, high time for me to look forward le. maybe she wasnt whats best for me after all. I must be brave at this moment, even if i gonna shed any more tears, it will be tears of courage, the determination to move out of this turmoil. sometime i really do hate the way god created me, why cant i be more carefree and let bygone be bygone more easily.

Took everything from the memory box and slowly dispose isnt as easy as i have thot, in fact i did it in a very heavy hearted mood. Every pieces of letters teared is like every night of sadness i have experience all this while, but still i believe this is the best way and the only way if i wanna to really start to recover. Na de qi, jiu yao fang de xia, if i cant even do such a simple thing, i really will be letting my late dad down. Im proud to be your son, for i will be much stronger in the days to come.

Still i must also thank all my friends and buddies for accompanying me all the way along this road of recovery, i noe i have not made much progress, but i assure u guys that i will finally learn to let it all go. For i noe the old louis definitely wont be so weak de. As im writing this entry, im actually slowly tearing pieces of the letters we used to share and dispose them.

School is starting next mon le, and i m really veri looking forward to it, the feeling is like a convict who just gotten out of jail, tat starting-over-a-new-leaf feeling. Somehow after i dispose alot of stuffs of the sad past, my heart got lighter, and i become more brave, I mean i been so moody for the longest of time, even JD call me the most emo guy she ever met. Well JD im gonna throw tat title away le, and realli thank u for the lucky charm u gave me, somehow it instill some new belief in me.

Actually i should be happy today, finally gotta 2 know i made some progression at work le, finally gonna take over my respective unit tml nite shift le, Louis time to be a thinking technician le!!! lol

I tink there are really too many ppl for me thank at 1 shot, but i decided to thank them personally when i gotta meet them. With u guys behind me, im sure i be able to get pass the worse storm de. And oso not to forget bout my family, my mum has always been the most supportive person in my life, she may not be the bet advisor, but shes the best listener (and the best talker). My second bro don mite look veri cold on the exterior, but i know inside hes a veri caring person for the family, but he too got his own problem to overcome too. As for my little bro ben, well just by lookin at him grow up makes my day, dun be deceive by his look, hes prob the strongest in the family, imagine losing ur beloved dad at 5yrs old, but what really make me happy was that hes finally getting wiser and more sensible le. Jia you bros!!!

I must admit i was realli at a struggle to dispose our photos, first i threw into the basket, next i took out, but finally i knew this has to be done. I cant say much, but i still muz wish her the best, and also be happy with your current boyfriend, may he be able to give you the happiness that i cant give you in time, sometime fate just are beyond our control, still i owe you a apology and also a thank you.

I shall make a promise to myself, i will not write any more entries regarding our past anymore, i will move on and find back happiness that i have been missing for so long till i forget how does it realli feel to be happy and in happiness le.

Cheers and be brave!!

You are not alone (by Michael Jackson)

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

*veri nice song*

突然好想你 (by Mayday)

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今
终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你
带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美
那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们
还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过
没有你却又突然
听到你的消息

Learning the hard way

Sometime i wonder, why do god create human in such a way, whereby most of them wil only learn a valuable lesson after they have lost some important things and/or person in their life. Everyday we will get to see alot ppl admitting to their past mistake after losing something. I myself is no stranger to this scenario. In fact, it has always been the way i learned every aspect so far. Sure it does becoming a better person,but it also brought along alot of regrets and unfulfilled dreams.

I only learn bout the word 'fillial' after my dad's gone. I wonder how much different it will make to my family esp my mum if hes still around. but well like all traditional chinese would say, if his time hes up, theres no way he can avoid the misfortune from happening. But still, sometime im kinda remoarse for not fully fulfilling my responsibility as a son when he was still around. I would have the thinking that if 7 years ago it was me who was gone, maybe the household will be better managed?!

I only learn bout the word 'finance' after a huge saving from my dad is gone. Sure i was young back then and may be forgiven for managing the fund well in some ppls' eye. but that does give enough reason for me to hate myself for not managing the fund in a responsible way. Til now i stil hate myself for that. And i clearly noe the whole different the money would hav make to our life. I mean after all, money is the fundamental source of problems and unhappiness after all, whether we wanna admit it anot.

Third thing which i learn is the word 'future'.and i only learn bout it when she finally decided 2 leave me. I was devastated and broken. i was helpless. Like the previous entry of my blog, i felt undone for, but i was wrong, the root of the problem has been there for a long time, but i din carry out any action to rectify it. And after all, it stil cant be separated from the word finance too.

Now i can only live all my past mistakes and carry on learning to become a better person, better anot its not for me to judge, but i know at least Im different from the past. And ya, the only fortunate thing which is another 'F' word which i knew all along is perhaps 'friendship'. Which ultimately have pull me thru all kinds of disappointment and regrets. And it is also this 'F' word, which make me who i am from the start, but i have to apologize too, for sometime i need to put work to priority to friendship as i really need to.

It takes me 23 long years to finally realise the F4 aspect of my life. sure i been a laggard in learning and i dont usually learn the smart way, but i know for sure i be there 1 day. All is not lost, and i know a miracle can still happen between us.

What we could have been

Am i sick up there? That's probably the first question i ever wanna ponder and ask myself. I mean how long do you take 2 get over a heart breaking experience. Its been more than a year, 467days to be exact. Yet the day she told me those words are so clear at the back of my mind. At first i realli tot i could salvage tis broken relationship. I did all i tot i could, things tat i never tot i would do. Time n time again i get the words, time n time again my courage depleted, yet i keep trying, until the day i really couldnt feel a thing, i knew i had lost myself.

Things she nv know n i nv told her came a little too late to be taken to heart. Its all fault 2 begin with, i always thought being faithful, treating u the best way, giving her all i can give, is the best of us. To be truthful, i nv been in a real r/s before this. There are some many uncertainty surrounding me and im not sure did i handled them the right way, but it all turn out to be incorrect. I overlooked something very impt. tat is our future. sure i do have my burden to take care of, but i know from the bottom of my heart i could have done beta in assuring our future. The day u left, i start to tink bout what went wrong, and i realise the most impt thing went wrong. it was then i realise shes not entirely wrong. but at the same time i felt hard done by, cos i know i definitely make it given more time, which was nv there.

So many days n nights have passed n i gotta say i still miss her. Sometime i just wish she will be there for me again esp on days where i have it rough at work or any aspect of life. shes a gd fren, a gd gf, and also someone who would heal my soul in the past. i really did love u with all my heart, just tat i nv done it right. Sorry. but now i know i gotta face the world alone.

Friends, dun worry bout me, its just that i finally have the courage to admit and type out an entry from the bottom of my heart.