Learning the hard way

Sometime i wonder, why do god create human in such a way, whereby most of them wil only learn a valuable lesson after they have lost some important things and/or person in their life. Everyday we will get to see alot ppl admitting to their past mistake after losing something. I myself is no stranger to this scenario. In fact, it has always been the way i learned every aspect so far. Sure it does becoming a better person,but it also brought along alot of regrets and unfulfilled dreams.

I only learn bout the word 'fillial' after my dad's gone. I wonder how much different it will make to my family esp my mum if hes still around. but well like all traditional chinese would say, if his time hes up, theres no way he can avoid the misfortune from happening. But still, sometime im kinda remoarse for not fully fulfilling my responsibility as a son when he was still around. I would have the thinking that if 7 years ago it was me who was gone, maybe the household will be better managed?!

I only learn bout the word 'finance' after a huge saving from my dad is gone. Sure i was young back then and may be forgiven for managing the fund well in some ppls' eye. but that does give enough reason for me to hate myself for not managing the fund in a responsible way. Til now i stil hate myself for that. And i clearly noe the whole different the money would hav make to our life. I mean after all, money is the fundamental source of problems and unhappiness after all, whether we wanna admit it anot.

Third thing which i learn is the word 'future'.and i only learn bout it when she finally decided 2 leave me. I was devastated and broken. i was helpless. Like the previous entry of my blog, i felt undone for, but i was wrong, the root of the problem has been there for a long time, but i din carry out any action to rectify it. And after all, it stil cant be separated from the word finance too.

Now i can only live all my past mistakes and carry on learning to become a better person, better anot its not for me to judge, but i know at least Im different from the past. And ya, the only fortunate thing which is another 'F' word which i knew all along is perhaps 'friendship'. Which ultimately have pull me thru all kinds of disappointment and regrets. And it is also this 'F' word, which make me who i am from the start, but i have to apologize too, for sometime i need to put work to priority to friendship as i really need to.

It takes me 23 long years to finally realise the F4 aspect of my life. sure i been a laggard in learning and i dont usually learn the smart way, but i know for sure i be there 1 day. All is not lost, and i know a miracle can still happen between us.